Lately I have been noticing quite a bit that I give a shit too much about people’s feelings. That is without saying, that I think I shouldn’t care, or recognize others feelings, I just need to do so less.
Today, people were going out to celebrate my friends acceptance to law school, I am genuinely happy for her, but I just did not feeling like going down town with them. I had a horrid hangover and had a great time sitting at home, reading, napping, relaxing… but in the back of my head, I kept thinking, oh man, I am missing out on something? Are they mad because I didn’t go?
I have realized a few times that there are days I want to be by myself, or not go out and drink or just go to a coffee shop and by my lonesome and I often find myself plagued with guilt for having said I didn’t want to hang out. What if my ‘friends’ get mad, what if they talk about me, what If I miss out on something? I realized that my real friends wouldn’t think or say anything negative about me inthat regard. Why would I ever do something to please someone else to the detriment of my own happiness? I have no idea, so from here on out, I won’t.
In fight club, Edward Norton said that people you meet on planes are called ‘single-serving friends’. This is kind of what I think about the folks that I have met here. Yea, we have good times, I have my clique that I hang around on a normal basis, but I know I haven’t forged any life long friendships here, and that is ok by me. I miss my friends back home so much, I can’t wait to see them in 3 more months :-)
